I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
