Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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