watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
