Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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