Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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