I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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