I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
