If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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