in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
