I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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