I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
