bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
