This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My hand turned me down
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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