Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
