whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
