I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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