she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come share oat with me in your robe
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
