Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
