we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
