This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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