we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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