My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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