Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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