Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
