She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i now understand why vodka
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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