meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
