He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
