Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
