i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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