I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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