Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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