I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
