this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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