i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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