i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
