Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
