Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
