Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
