maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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