I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
