he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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