When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
