Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
