You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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