I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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