I wanna bring you to show and tell
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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