Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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