There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
