His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
