"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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