No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
