The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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