I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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