You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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