i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
soo... how was my night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
