I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
