I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
