I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sext me about skeletons
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
