Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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