your room smells of hookers.
And success
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
