was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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