So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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