the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
