playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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