dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think people are normalizing furries
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
