Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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