I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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